Essays, Games, Xbox

I Don’t Camp. You Just Suck.


Remember when you played basketball in the sixth grade, and there was always that one kid on the other team who – while you were attempting to score – sat at the half-court line waiting for a pass so that he could take off running for an easy two points? I hated that bastard.

I’m a gamer – one who generally sticks to online FPS multiplayer fare; ever since Halo 2, I never looked back. MW2 is my current primary title, as I prepare for the love explosion that should be MW3 in November. I’m sitting pretty at nearly 60,000 kills, a 2.20 kill-to-death ratio (KDR), and a career-high kill streak of 33. My friends and I simply spank other teams for the most part, and naturally, fouls are called from the high heavens. The post game lobby, for me, normally reeks of silly complaints from inferior players crying, “Camper!”. But I don’t camp. They just suck. That’s why my team just won by 39 kills.🙂

Sadly, camping can often be confused with a solid strategy. I play the same way every game – find a fortified position to hold down with my friends (e.g. the house on Derail, the fort on Invasion, etc.), line the entrances with claymores, communicate constantly, watch my teammates’ backs, control dedicated points of interest, and begin the slaughter. This is what my lame opponents call “camping” – but that’s only after we run a pain train on them, and they have nothing else to say.

Camping is a clear act of stupidity, and it’s not hard to define. If you find a corner, back yourself in, pull out an AA-12, and wait for opponents to literally pass your line of vision before mowing them down, you, sir, are a camper. If you go prone in the middle on an open field with an Intervention, focus on a single location, and wait for opponents’ heads to enter your crosshairs, you, guy, are a camper. You’re also very stupid.

The biggest argument against my friends and I camping after a game where we win 7500 – 3200 is that we freakin’ owned you. Campers do not own. They suck, die a lot, and lack a single ounce of raw skill. They’re also incredibly easy to kill. If that jackass in the corner won’t come out, just lob a grenade in there. Shoot a rocket. Whatever. If that sniper in the field begins to annoy you, just avoid crossing the path of his crosshairs. His head will explode as soon as his scope becomes an abyss of nothingness. What, is he going to storm you with his secondary water pistol? Yeah, okay.

So, to be clear, quit your crying, and find a way to neutralize us. We get our asses handed to us from time to time, and it’s normally by teams who implement the same strategy or simply find ways to breach our perimeter and obtain some favorable team spawn points. If my team demolishes you by 35 kills, it’s just because we’re better. We play smart, you don’t. End of story. Try and sell your tents elsewhere.


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